The Phoenix
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| Photo credits: mysoulsonice.wordpress.com |
“In order to rise From its own ashes, A Phoenix first Must Burn.”
- Octavia E. Butler
I am choking, I can't breathe so I cough really hard. What
comes out of my mouth is warm and red. I spit it out so that I can breathe
again. My own blood. My head is pounding very hard and my ears can't stop
ringing. My body, I feel it stinging. I take a second to completely wrap my
head around the current situation. Then it hits me. My skin is literally
peeling off my body. Am shaken. I look around and I see him. He is sitting at
his usual spot, smoking some shit, seemingly unperturbed. I struggle to speak
but I manage a groan.
There's too much pain going around my body and at this point
my skin is literally peeling off. For some reason my eyes can't see, except my
left eye which registers blurry images. When I groan, he looks at me. He sneers,
then walks up to me and takes a drag, releases the smoke up my face and grins.
Him: Wapi hao marafiki zako waone vile hauna uso ya kupaka
make-up?
(Where are your friends to see that you have no face for
make-up?)
He chuckles then walks back to the drawer. Pulls it out and
picks a mirror. He walks back to me and holds it up for me. What I saw made me
let out a deafening scream enough to awaken the dead.
The scream startled him as it was unexpected.
He drops the mirror and slaps me hard across my face. He
proceeds to hit me severally and I feel my soul break. There's so much pain
that a human body can take, but the soul, it reaches its limit and breaks
irreparably. I didn't have the strength to fight; he had been beating me up for
days now, and I was unfathomably broken.
His blows continue to wreck my ribs, stomach and groin. His
kicks and smacks continue to reign terror on my body. I go numb and my mind
drifts:
I see a green field, full of roses and beautiful tress
dancing to the music of the wind. The melody sweeps through my face and blows
my hair in different directions. The sky is blue with dots of white feathery
clouds. The sun is shining bright. I am in my favourite yellow dress. I walk
towards the roses and I feel the dew in the carpeted grass caressing my feet.
It feels like paradise. I walk towards the roses but I can't get to them. It's
like the more I move towards them, the more they move further back. I start
walking faster, then I jog, then run towards them with my hands outstretched. I
can't get to them and I can't give up. I must have them. I pace up and run like
my life depended on it. Still, the roses are far beyond and are now
disappearing into the horizon. I stand in the middle of the green field,
heaving and trying hard to breathe. Tears flow freely as I can't handle this
immense sadness I feel. I wanted the roses so badly and so I sit on the grass
sobbing my heart out. As I sob, the clouds gather, the wind becomes hostile,
thunder rumbles and the once clear blue sky has now turned black. The heavens
break lose and the rains fall. I let it fall on me. On my body, I feel it pound.
I take it all in as I sob my heart out. It is raining heavily and the wind
howls as if at me. I feel my soul disintegrate into pieces. Am losing myself
just like I lost the roses. I lie down on the grass and listen to my world
breaking.
“This is my end" I uttered sotto voce. As if on cue,
the rains stop, the clouds clear and the wind mutes. In the horizon I see ashes
rising towards the sky above, steadily. The sight is beautiful to behold, but I
feel my eyes failing me. I feel cold and my body wobbly and numb at the same
time. I struggle to keep my eyes open. Out of the ashes a phoenix rises. Then
there is darkness.
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