A Burdened Heart.

          When Malkia called me on Sunday morning, I was surprised. It was unlike her. Usually, she calls during the day but not early in the mornings and so I knew something was amiss. It was the kind of phone call that triggers your adrenaline even before you receive it.

           After the usual pleasantries, she asked me if I had gone to Tamara’s party or whether she, Tamara had called me. Neither had happened. I had even forgotten about it. I had spent the said Saturday with Arthur at the library and, later on, at a birthday party.

          It was our agreement that she would remind me about it, so I was quick to shift the blame
          on  her.
         But she didn’t attend it either. I was puzzled; she and Tamara had been friends for as long
         a time as I could remember.


         I asked her why she had not attended the party. I remained silent as she explained the whole scenario to me: They had argued over the phone. What was the issue? She, Tamara had been told that, at the salon, Malkia had said she would not extend the invitation to friends and that Tamara should do it herself, personally, because, after all it, was her party. I was among the list of friends who would have gone courtesy of Malkia and I thought it would have made more sense if Tamara had sent the invitations herself.

         In a nutshell; it was the “I-was-told-by-X-that-you-said-this-and-that” kind of scenario in which Tamara had insinuated that she might as well not come to the party. She had ended the call without giving Malkia a chance to explain. And so, several years of friendship, years of being there for each other went down the drain just like that. They stopped talking to each other. All because of trivial things. I could feel that she was hurt and my heart ached for her.

         This incident got me thinking: what would happen if, instead of running and hiding from our issues, we talked them out? What would happen if one chooses to understand that person one ‘hates’ and understand one’s self too, rather than carry the heavy burden hate? We would never know unless we try. We all contribute to the hate we create, to creating the world as it is.

        We believe our own stories so much that we never consider the effects they have on us. We feel justified with our own stories. With this justification, we feel safe but, in the long run, we end up in our own cocoons of pain.

        Our relationships ought to be for better or for worse. They should always make us better even with the worse parts. Relationships stand on shaky grounds of bliss and when the storms of life come knocking, we are swept away. That’s why anyone who has bravely borne the burdens of their worst moments inspires us.

        We spend life dealing with the effects of thoughts and never their causes. We feel justified in our thoughts and conclusions that we never create room for any other considerations.

         In the final moments of the telephone conversation, I was stunned at how easy it is for us to value things more than people. We would rather bear the weight of a grudge than face up to someone and ask them, individually, for their own account of what happened. Our hearts are always burdened with so much. Often, the pain is caused by trivial things that could have been solved if we dealt with them head on.

        We need to study ourselves and how we operate. If we did, thoughts would not drive us to the edge of suffering. We can create a new world but, first, we need to understand where we are and how we got here. There is pain in life but we can choose how to suffer it.

        We all want to be happy, to experience the good that is life. We pursue things day and night in search of love, happiness and peace. Maybe, it’s time we understand why we want those things and how we can truly have them. We are the last frontier of exploration.

        We have to be willing to let go of the old and to build new relationships. Relationships that are anchored in our humanness. We all need each other, and if we are going to part, at best, let us do so in peace.

        It will be easier on our hearts.

        It will be easier on your heart.

        You never know when you will need the person.

 A Burdened Heart 

By Mystic Venus