Oh, Men Who Cheat!

Cheating, in reference to the act of being unfaithful in a relationship, is more complicated than it seems. This was first depicted by the fact that my team and I had been hovering about this topic for the past two weeks now (three by the time you read this). What we realised is that it is quite easy to conclude that cheating itself is simply bad and immoral. However, it is more difficult when it comes to putting the people who cheat on their partners, and those who get cheated on, into distinct "good" or "bad" categories. It tends to even get more difficult when questioning the rationale and motivations behind the act. Yet, for a fact: we are living in a society where cheating has become the norm. This altruism brings to mind a ‘hypnopaedic’ proverb from Aldous Huxley’s dystopic novel, Brave New World: “everyone belongs to everyone else”. This is the society we are already living in, and this makes the topic even harder to approach.

Since cheating is complicated, and no matter what one's reasons may be, the stories behind these affairs are almost always decidedly juicy. Our TV screens and movies are full of cheating scandals which make the stories spicier. They add to the drama and make it even more compelling. This is the reason why they make for the most enthralling fodder for supermarket tabloids and prestige drama TV shows.

“Sex sells”, J points out

We all nod in agreement.

“But not so much in the confines of marriage,” I add.

This reminds me of a discussion, months ago, when, to end a rather hot debate, one of the team members had retorted that, “Marriage is not a gymnasium for sex.” Well, he had said that the major reason for cheating was that people got into relationships with “free” sex in their minds. Well, he had told us, many a passionate bodies are disappointed in marriage!

The narrative of “free” sex in marriage is already set out. Everyone expects you to have sex when you are married – and a lot of it! But what is more blood gushing and thrilling is going beyond the boundaries marriage sets for you and getting “more free” sex while within a relationship. The entire drama on our soap operas, and the many hours we spend before the TV screens, revolve around cheating scandals and their thrill and glamour. Now, the society is no longer bothered much by hearing stories of people cheating. What the media displays is what the society accepts and tolerates and what we consume mentally affects the way we act in our daily lives.

As we sat there and discussed cheating stories from Hillary Clinton’s case, to Kevin Hart’s, to Dj Crème de la Cremes case, we realised how lenient the society has become on cheating cases. In a society where the youth are opting out of marriage and single mothers are increasing day and night, cheating has become the latest trend. Call it a fad. We all know someone who is cheating or being cheated on, right? Do you know one? Or, maybe, you are the one? That’s how rampant it has become.

Perhaps, this fashionable trend has been exacerbated by technology, especially the mobile phone and internet. Maybe, people still cheat just as much as the days of Potiphar and King David by the window, maybe it has always been this way only that in our times technology has hastened  the speed and the way of doing it. Technology has speeded cheating and its variations, it has also made being caught in the act just as easy. Three decades ago, a man would leave the village and head for the city to work, would he cheat? Maybe. Was he caught? Perhaps. Caught on camera by a nosey neighbour? No. It is for this reason that, I believe, the Deputy County Governor of Kirinyanga was caught pants down (his pants somewhere on the floor).

Again, technology has availed us the invention of Ben Tens, Samanthas and Sponsors. Sex sells, and that is because it’s the sacred source-energy of our genesis. 

“How does cheating reflect on a woman compared to a man?” Walter inquires.

In a patriarchal society where women are raised being prepared for marriage the effects are not the same, the stakes are different. If a woman cheats, it reflects weakness on the man to tame her but if a man cheats it reflects inadequacies on the woman to perform and fulfill her duties which she was raised up being prepared for. And since they, the men, are allowed to marry more than one wife, the society takes it easy on them. Remember Abraham? Akuku Danger? Solomon?

Women have been raised to value marriage more than men. If a woman doesn’t have a man or children it reflects as a weakness on her, and at times her fertility is questioned and becomes a source of ridicule. She is sidelined, yet the same measure is not accorded to a man.

There are various reasons why people cheat in their unions but, whatever the case, what we have to deal with are the consequences of the action itself. Inevitably, the circle makes its full turn and men and women have to pay for the love they “stole at the dark end of the street”. Most people are never prepared for anything beyond the thrill of the act and, therefore, when it hits the fan so begins the crash and burn.

Therefore, keeping the consequences of the act in mind or the failure to do so, is what defines those in relationships.

Run, Joseph! Run! Leave her your coat.

It is always the woman who is the problem, right?

Oh, Men Who Cheat!

By Mystic Venus.